Virtual Schools

A virtual School is a school where students learn the same material that students usually learn in a regular school. The difference between a virtual school and a regular school is the way of learning, the martial and the place you learn. In a regular school all of the students have to meet each other six times in a week for a few hours. Instead of regular school's learning way(phr.), in virtual schools the students meet once a week and learn the same martial(sp.) as the students in regular schools but in the virtual school, the students don't have to move from their homes in order to talk with the teacher, all they have to do is log in to the internet.

The virtual school has disadvantages and advantages. On the one hand, the virtual schools are not suitable for everyone. As we know, today there are a lot of students that do not have a lot of money; they hardly can(wo.) afford their studies in a regular school. Those students cannot afford a computer or internet. Another example is that students might see the virtual school as a replacement for their regular school, they will not log on to the virtual school. In this way they will lie to their parents and tell them that they log on to the virtual school while they don't do that.

The virtual school has also advantages. The Virtual school is not far away from home, actually you can log on to the virtual school while you are in(ww) home. This thing helps the students get into the lessons no time. Moreover, if you have something very important to ask youe teacher and in order to see him you have to wait until the next day because he might have left the school early in the normal school, here it is different. all you have to do is log on to your Email and then ask him the question through the Email.

To sum up, Virtual schools have advantages and disadvantages. I think that this is a great opportunity to test a new way to teach students and we have to try it in order to see the results. In my opinion, the virtual school is much more comfortable. Students will like to learn in virtual scool more than in a reuglar school

(75)

Daphna

A Formal Letter

32 Hofyen
Holon
July 2, 2009

Mrs. Gilat Simon
Kugel High School
1 Mota-Gur street
Holon

Dear Madam,

Once a year, students from Israel journey(ww.) to Poland. There, in Poland, the Israeli students see the remains of what exactly happened during the Holocaust. They can see there the conditions that the Jews had in the Ghetto. I am writing because this journey is very important for us, the Jewish students, but not all of us can afford it and some of us really want to go there but the cost of the trip is too high for us.

First of all, as I said in the first paragraph, the costs of the journey are too high. Today, there are a lot of problems with the economy in Israel. I think that if there is an opportunity for students to go on this journey, then all of the students should go, in keeping with the idea that all students deserve the same rights, and schools shouldn't let economic troubles affect a student's participation in school activites.

Moreover, I personally know some students that really want to go on this journey, but they can't afford it and they can't do anything about it. I think that you, as a principal, should gather signatures from all of the students and the signatures will be used for a vote of lowering the price(phr.) of the journey or, you could collect money from donors in order to lower the price.

To sum up, there are a lot of students that really want to go on this journey but they can't afford the costs. The cost of this journey is very high and someone has to help and lower the price, and(Start a new sentence) if the government can't do it then we should for(מיותר) ask (for) help from people that(ww. who) would like to donate some of their money to us, the students who can't afford the journey.

Sincerely yours,

Mor Bar

Good work.

(92)

Daphna

The story "A Summer's Reading" tells us about a guy called George. George wanted to get an education in order to get a good job and live better. He lives in a poor nighebrhood(sp.), his mom died and the writer didn't tell us about any helpful connection with his family. Those detailes put us in "his shoes" and show us his hard life.

Geroge is 20 years old, he is a childish(and) lazy boy who wanted(gr.) to get a good job. Geroge lives in a poor neighborhood. George is a dropout, he dropped out of school at age 16. George wasn't really pupolar in school and he didn't have a lot of friends, and even kids that were in his class didn't recognize him when he walked near them on the street. George is an unfriendly guy and really lazy(no point in repeating yourself).

There are a few characters in the story who try to help George do something good in his life, but in order to do it he has to get an education. and(מיותר) (Start a new sentence) his way to get an education is(by) reading books. The problem is that George is too lazy to do it. George has a realtionship with a guy called Mr.Cat. Mr.Cat encourages George to do something with his life but Goerge is too lazy to read books and get an education.
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To sum up, I believe that Goerge has to do something with his life, he has to get a job and get an education. Goerge(sp.) has failed in life, he dropped out of school, he didn't get back to school and didn't go to a summer school. I hope that he will shape up someday and get a good job.

Better.

(85)

Daphna

The Pelican Breif

I have recently read a novel named "The Pelican Breif". It is a dramtic story. The title of the book gives us a lot of information on the book; There is a brief that contains an evdince of crime which effects the pelicans. The book is really good in the begining and then becoming(gr.) much more intresting.

In the story there are a lot of characthers. In the begning of the story one character murdered two judges and then the story became more intresting; The main Character tries(gr. - keep using the past) to find out who killed them. Some of her friends helped her to get more information about the murder of the judges but everytime she gets(gr.) information about the murder there are(gr.) always people who want(gr.) to kill her.

There is a main character in the story named Darby. The main character in the story(phr. - she) is still a student and she is trying to become a lawyer, (Start a new sentence) she works with one of her friends, that(ww. - who) works in(ww. - for) the F.B.I. (Start a new sentence)togther, they get information about the reasons of murdering the judgets, while trying to stay alive and stay away from the people who (are) trying to kill them.

To sum up, the book is really good and I recommend it. The dramatic situations in the story make the story really good. The book is suitable for ages 14+, because I think that at this age people can will be able(gr.) to understand the story better(It's not clear why).

77

Daphna

The Disaster Between Our Ears

According to the article "The Disaster Between Our Ears", the writer claims that people who eat healthy food, become relaxed, and their mental performance improves. The writer's opinion was proved by a research which was conducted on students in school and even prisoners in jail.

In my opinion, manufacturers are not responsible for what we eat (Wait a minute! How did you get here? How is this statement related to what you've written in your 1st paragraph?). Thus, people are responsible for their health and their mental abilities. If they want to be much healthier, improve their mental abilities and even become less aggressive, they have to eat healthy food. The people are responsible for their money, and their money buys their food

Moreover, the people who buy their food can see what the food that they buy(phr. - it) includes. According to the law, the manufacturers have to publish the nutrients in the food that they sell. So all the people have to do is to check and choose if they want to buy it or not and decide if the nutrients in the product are healthy enough for them

To sum up, in my opinion the people are responsible for the food they buy, because they have the choice to buy their food and the choice to spend their money on what they want. All they have to do is check the product before buying it.

88

Daphna

Dirty Places

132 Fleetwood Street

Ashvile

September 12, 2009

The Editor

Around Town

P.O Box 52

Ashvile

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Dear Editor,

.

Concerning the article "Dirty Places" I would like to express my point of view. In my opinion, people in Israel really take care of the environment. To begin with(מיותר), in the article you wrote that Israelis don't take care of the environment and all they do is throw their garbage anywhere they want.

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In my opinion, you're wrong. Today there are a lot of people in Israel that volunteer for free. Those people join cleaning groups and together they clean dirty places and rivers. As for the people who throw their garbage anywhere they want, I think that you can't say that about everyone, the awareness about this subject is very high today. A lot of people know that plastics pollute the environment. So, today most of the people throw their garbage into the nearest garbage can and not on the floor.

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To sum up, I think that you are wrong, Israelis take care of the environment. moreover, some of them also volunteer and clean dirty places for free.

.

Yours Truly,

Mor Bar

It's better, but it's still too short.

82

Daphna

Losing Jewish Identity

link:http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3774133,00.html


In Israel some of the people join the army and some of them don't. It is every citizen's right to choose whether to join the army or not. The Arabs don't have to join the army because they have the right to choose between fighting with other Arab armies or do nothing to help Israel win wars. We can understand the Arabs. But what about the orthodox jews? The Haredim don't have to join the army according to Israel's army's rules. According to the article, Yair lapid said that they fear the(מיותר) death. The explanation they gave was "we don't fear death, We fear losing our Jewish identity".

In my opinion, they shouldn't have the right to choose whether to join the army or not.orthodox jews use the money of the country, eat from the food of the country(phr.) and worst of all is the fact that every citizen in the country pays taxes and the orthodox jews take some of the money from our taxes(phr.), why? Because they study the Torah. Well, this is what they do for the rest of their lives, can't they serve the country by protecting it's people just for 3 years? (Start a new sentence)then they can do whatever they want and people will not have any objection for giving their money to the orthodox jews.

However, none of the orthodox jews have a sufficient explanation. According to the article, their explanation was: "We fear losing our Jewish identity". This excuse is unacceptable. I have never heard about people who lost their Jewish identity while serving in the army. People can choose by themselves if they want to lose their Jewish identity or keep it, the army doesn't do that work, they do that. This is why their reason is unacceptable, if they want to keep their Jewish identity no one is standing in their way, including the army.

To sum up, orthodox jews have many reasons not to join the army, but none of them are acceptable. In my opinion, every man and woman in this country has to join the army. If they choose to study the Torah, that's fine, but they have to serve the country before. And as a punishment, if they don't do that, they shouldn't be allowed to get the taxpayers' money.

(85)
Daphna

Haredim-Hasidic Jews

Dirty Places

http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1251145154573&pagename=JPost/JPAr

The article talks about the family that headed to the Golan for a few days in order to enjoy the last days of the summer vacation. This family headed to Nahal Kibbutzim and found themselves surrounded by garbage, when one of this family asked people, who were already in the water, "How can people demonstrate such disregard?" They answered him that Israelis don't care about anyone other than themselves. The writer also says that the problem is in the schools, and in order to solve the problem we have to change the school basics and teach students that leaving garbage after you is a bad thing and they should clean it.

In my opinion, not all of the Israelis care about themselves and don't care about anyone else, some of the Israelis even improve the situation and help to clean places like the beach and some other public places. The good thing is that the people who volunteer to work in cleaning groups do it for no charge, and this is only one example of people in Israel who try to help and clean the public places. The government also pays for people to clean the streets. Paying for people that clean the street is a good thing, both sides benefit from that, the workers earn money from the government, and the streets stay clean. There is also a political party that handles cleaning groups so its goal is to keep places clean. (- which party is that?)

However, there is a point in the article; the writer is right, there are a lot of people in Israel who don’t care about anything else. they are too lazy to go to the garbage can and throw in it their garbage. Some of them don't even think about throwing their garbage in the garbage can and they just throw it near them and then when they leave the place , it stays dirty. I think that the parents of the people who leave garbage in the places they were didn't explain (to) them that throwing garbage or leaving it on floor is a bad thing. This is the reason that people go anywhere they want and drop their garbage anywhere they want.

To sum up, there are a lot of people who try to improve the situation and there are a lot of people that don't care about anyone and throw their garbage anywhere they want without thinking twice about what they are doing. In my opinion, the government should change the basics(ww.) in the schools(phr.), and teach the pupil that throwing garbage in public places is a bad thing and no one should to do that. I also suggest that the police take a(מיותר) part by helping catch the people who do that and make them pay. This is the only way to teach people (to) keep the public places clean.

(85)
Daphna

The Students Today

People use the Internet to gain access to powerful places like the Facebook. The "website" Facebook is used by many people. Some of them use this website for positive aspects, but also some of them use this website for negative aspects. In my opinion, students shouldn't get access to websites like Facebook without supervision.

Recently I saw a website of a girl that has a website called "ihateyoumay"-(I hate you May). The kid that created this website put pictures of this girl and called her names. I have no idea if May saw this website. But if she did, she probably wouldn't be so happy.

One week ago, after I read the article about the Facebook that became a forum for hate groups, I created an account in the "website" Facebook. And after sometime, when I realized how to use the Facebook, I was shocked by the amount of hate groups. the people in those groups just call people names and all the friends and the class of the group's creator become unfriendly and look for reasons and chances to pick a fight with the kid without even knowing him.

To sum up, I think that the Facebook has to censor swear words. The Facebook's administers have to take a look at their website and delete "hate groups" and even ban the account's creator of the "hate group". I also think that the parents of "hate group" creator and the "hate group" creator have to be punished by a police order. This is the only way to stop publishing "hate groups".

School Uniform

School uniform is a special kind of clothes that all students have to wear in order to get into school. The School uniform represents the school and in order to be a part of the school you have to wear such a uniform. Sometimes, when students forget their school uniform they get punished or they are not allowed to get into the school until they wear the uniform.

On the one hand, the school uniform has a lot of advantages; the school uniform is much cheaper than most of the clothes that clothes shops sell. therefore , the school uniform is not really bad, it is suitable for all students. When a student gets up in the morning, he doesn't spend a lot of time looking for better clothes. The school uniform also makes other students look on your real character(phr.), for exmaple: they judge you by the way you talk, behave, etc and not according to the clothes you wear.


On the other hand, the school uniform has some disadvantages; the school uniform is not fashionable, so no one really cares and pays attention to it. The material of which school uniforms are made is not of high quality, and people usually sweat when they wear the uniform and then smell bad.

To sum up, there are advantages and disadvantages for school uniforms. If I had a chance to choose, I would choose the way that people would keep wearing school uniforms(phr.). In order to change the opinion of other people about the school uniform, the company that creates the school uniform has to change the material of which the school unfiorm is made of.

I have no idea how to fix the sentence.

Mr. and Ms. McCall

In the begining of the story we can understand that Burge McCall and Mrs. McCall are married but Burge McCall doesn't buy to(מיותר) his wife things with his money, he prefers to buy things for other women. Burge McCall also behaves horribly to his wife. In the following parts of the story Burge McCall becomes worried for his life and decides to change his behavior. - very good opening!


In the begining of the story we can see that Burge McCall and Ms. McCall don't really like each other. Burge McCall hates the way that his wife looks at him. After a while Burge McCall tries to create a fight between him and his wife but Mrs. McCall just looks at him and(מיותר) with dismay while he calls her names. Then Burge McCall got angry and slapped her. One day Burge McCall dropped into his uncle's drugstore and his uncle said that his wife was there in the morning and she bought rat poison. Burge McCall understood that she might put the rat poison in his food so he stopped eating and drinking at home. Burge McCall also changed his behavior towards his wife to good behavior. - This is good, but you got the tenses mixed up. You start with the present simple and continue with the past simple. You should decide on a tense you want to use, either the present or the past and stick to it.


The realtionship between them was very bad. A husband isn't supposed to be acrimonious towards his wife. Instead, he must be nurturing and loving. My opnion on this particular realtionship is negative, I don't think that it is right to behave this way to your wife. I also felt that Burge McCall wasn't the ideal husband that any woman would ever want. I think that Burge McCall's(מיותר) thinks only of himself and takes care only of himself and Mrs.McCall is a very nice lady that deserves more than a husband like Burge McCall. Moreover, I believe she has got a lot of patience.

Well done! (90)
Daphna.

Home Work

The teachers in schools think that the best thing(ww.) to teach students in class is the home work.
They usually say that this is the best way to gain information and rememebr (sp.) it.
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In my opnion Ben (Who is Ben? How is he related? You have to explain in a few words) is totally right! I agree that H.W is unecessary to learn the material. All the teacher have to do is to learn(ww. - teach) us the material in the class and then when they really want us to do something and not get bored at home they can give us some projects. But, as I said, no H.W. Even if (you) prepared(gr. - prepare) the H.W everytime, you always forget what have you done in the H.W (the word order here is wrong).

But(ww. - However,) the H.W is necessary only in math. When you do H.W in math you always do the same thing(what thing? The exerecises?) and then you get used to it and you can learn it faster. The(מיותר) math become(gr. - becomes) a very(מיותר) fun material and everytime you prepare H.W you enjoy it.

To sum up, the(מיותר) H.W is not necessary to students. All they have to do is to practise on(מיותר) the new material and do (the) tests, nothing more.

You have quite a few grammar mistakes and some of your sentences need rephrasing. Other than that, you are not saying much in this essay. I need more depth in your work. Your last paragraph needs reorganizing. (70)
Daphna

Peer Pressure

Peer pressure happens when you don't really know what to do. Your brain tells you to do the right thing but your friends tell you to do the wrong thing. Sometimes, the student doesn't know what to do and listens to his friends (and) so(he) lies to other people, and steals money from his parents. Peer pressure is a big step towards the wrong way.

On the one hand, people tend to listen to their friends because they want to fit in or worry about other kids that may make fun of them. so, they surrender to peer pressure. But some of the time, people really become liked in the community. Sometimes this peer pressure helps you fit in.

On the other hand, people act as other people tell them to act and they get into very terrible places as jail or they get into embarrassing situations when they get into craim(ww.) situations as a result of peer Pressure.

To sum up, peer pressure can be ignored by kids only if they think about their future and think before doing terrible things or you can listen to your friends and try to fit in but don't surrender to peer pressure, because it is not a good thing and can only bring troubles.- This is a great conclusion, but you have to divide this very long sentence into, at least, two shorter ones.

Very good work! I'm proud of you.
(95)
Daphna.

Space Exploration expensive

The thrill of discovery interest(gr. ) a lot of people and this is the main reason of (ww. - for) exploring the space and other planets. However, this is not the only reason to explore the space. There are a lot of problems on Earth that force people to explore other planets. However, People think that space exploring(ww. - exploration) has some risks and (is) too expensive.

On the one hand, the discovery of other planets is very important in order to live on them when the eath(sp.) will be gone. There is also the ambition of finding other living forms in space that might help us in the problems on Earth or to learn about them. There are also(phr. - In addition there are) satellites that improve the life on Earth while they transmission(ww. - transmit) programs on T.V and the radio.

On the other hand, space exploration has a lot of risks to other people that want to be launched to the space(you have to explain what you mean what kind of risks and why you mention: "to other people"? who are these "other people"?). (Moreover,)The launch to space costs a lot of money, building the spaceship, the planning of the flying in the space etc. Once in a while when a satellite is launched to the(מיותר) space, it might hit other things in space like stones in space(ww. - debris or meteors) or other satellites and create a massive mess in space that can hurt us or other things(This is too general, what "things" are you talking about?).

To sum up, both of the ways (which "ways" are you talking about?) injure(ww. - hurt) us , the(מיותר) space exploration has a lot of risks and spends a lot of money but help(gr.) us discover things that might help us in the future. My personal opinion is that we should continue space exploration in order to find helpful things for humanity.

It's better, but you still have quite a few mistakes to correct and sentences to rephrase and explain better. (75)

Daphna.

29.01.09
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Dear Ronit ,
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New Friend(what is this? the title? If so, this not the place for it)

I heared about your problem with Jill. This is a very difficult problem.
There is a problem with shy people because they don't make friends so easliy and it is very kind that you want to be his friend. However you have another problem with your snobbish friends. If you become friends with Jill, you risk losing your other friends.

The solution to this problem is up to you: First of all, you should talk to Jill and try to understand what does he want(gr. - what he wants). Then, if you see that he is very friendly, you can slowly, slowly (ww. gradually) join(ww.) him to the group, and then your snobbish friends will be his friend too. But first of all, you have to go and talk to him and find common activities(ww. - interests).

If Jill doesn't seem to be accepted by your snobbish friends, then this is a very big problem and then you should try to change his behavior, if you still want to be his friend. If you succeed, you will be able to join(ww.) him to your group easliy, but if he doesn't want to change his behavior, then you can be his friend and say to your snobbish friends that you would like to stay their friend even if you have another new friend.

Then, as I said, Jill will be your friend and your snobbish friends too and then everyone will be happy. You have a new friend that has no social problems and you just created a new world to(ww. - for) a new student

From
Mor Bar

This is much-much better. It's clear and interesting. Well done. (85)

Daphna.

War in Gaza

In the last few weeks, Israel got in to Gaza and started a war.
The Hamas in Gaza launches missles at the south of Israel for a lot of time. This is the time to respond to the attacks.
I think that this action is very necessary and as Bibi Netanyahu said, we have no other choice.
In fact, Israel is doing all it can to save the innocent citizens. Israel's army calls the citizens which live in a building and says them to leave before the building will be attacked by the army, but there is a problem, those citizens don't leave, they climb on the roof and wait for the attacks.
Moreover, Gaza has a TV show that shows a bunny, A lot of kids love this bunny and it is very famous. A few days ago, the Hamas broadcast the last chapter of this series and showed to the kids in Gaza that the bunny was injured by Israel's army and they showed the bunny dying
and then after it said that the zionist hit him, he died. This is the way that they teach the kids when they are young to hate Israel.
I think that all we need to do is to keep fight with out mercy and only when all of the soliders of the Hamas will surrender, only then, we should make peace and stop the war.
It might cost soliders thier life, but every war has a price and we have to pay it in order to save the citizens in the south of Israel.