community

Communities centers are very important to students. In these days, students think that communities(phr. - a community can't be "made") are things that were made for bored people who have no life. Because of this, the schools in these days have to teach and show to its students how communities can help to build relationships and teach things that you can't learn in school.

On the one hand, students today usually don't help the communites because(of) their lack of knowledge. I, for example, didn't know that joining the community(phr. - which community have you joined?) raises the chances of becoming a pilot in the airforce. After I heard this detail, the first thing in my mind was that I had to join the community. But this was the reason that I joined the community, because I always wanted to be a pilot. So the point is that I believe that lack in details of how many benefits you can have by joining the community is the main reason that people don't join the community.

On the other hand, people think that joining the community is a waste of time and a waste of money and that makes them feel abused by the community because they don't benefit from it. The schools represent us the community as a place for "fun(phr.)". The problem here is that they don't think about what we, the students think about that(phr.). By telling that to people, that community is a place to have fun makes the people that go there bored people(phr.) and we, as students don't want to seem like bored people. Moreover, statistics and research of how people can benefit from joining the community can help and make the numbers of the people who join the community go bigger and bigger(phr.).

To sum up, there are a lot of reasons now that make people become afraid of joining the community, there is a lot of lack of knowledge, a lot of rumors about abusing and some other things(phr.).. Schools today must teach and show people that joining the community can only do good for them. This is the only way to make students like the community and join it.

I don't know how to fix the phr mistakes, I need help with that..

(We need to talk.I think you are not explaining what you mean properly, and thus, not using the term community inn the right way.)

(60)
Daphna

sports

Some people prefer team sports and some people(ww. - others) prefer individual sports. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Team sports means doing sport with many friends, for example going to a gym together with your friends, jogging or doing aerobics together(No,team sports means, football, basketball and so on). By doing sport individualy, you can do the same things that you do in team sports but you do it alone.

On the one hand, team sports are preferable because of the fun you have every time you do activities by talking and joking with your friends from your sports team. This way, you keep away from your mind that you are exhausted and you keep doing the activity. Individual sports are for one man, the only advantage in these kinds of sports is that you don't have to wait for your team until all of them arrive, you just depend on yourself. This is too general and not clear enough, I am sure each type of sports has other, more important advantages. You should write about achievements in each kind of sports..

On the other hand, team sports have a lot of disadvantages. You always depend on other people. For example, you have to set a meeting with the people from the team and wait until all of them arrive. The sports in a team is not something up to you, for example, if you want to work on spesific muscles, and other wants to work on other muscles, it is a big problem for you and it might be very annoying sometimes(Again, you got the whole concept of team sports wrong, and that's why you haven't related to the right disadvantegs. Think about football or basketball players....). Individual sports are sometimes even worse than group sports, because when you do sports alone you get bored and you slowly lose the motivation to continue.

To sum up, both, individual sports and group sports have advantages and disadvantages. But in my opinion, individual sports are much better because even if you get bored, there are other things that can keep your mind busy instead of thinking about how tired you are, such as music and it can replace the joy you have while doing sports with friends.

It's better, but you missed the point. Go over this essay again according to my remarks.

(70)

Daphna