English Blog

Computers Are Our Today's Teachers

2010-12-19T14:36:00.000-08:00

Today, our technology is much more advanced than before. Today, for example, we have improved cameras, improved computers and even internet, which grant us the ability to communicate with people all over the world.

Using the advanced technology properly will guaranty a very useful combination, such as private teachers on the internet. Today, private teachers on the internet are the best combination of computers and teachers. But computers can replace the teachers. A good example for this case is when a teacher gets angry and requires from the students to learn something alone. Most of the time, the students don't really get scared, they just go home, search the internet and find the material that the teacher didn't teach, appears in front of the student.

Moreover, there are many examples of computers replacing the teachers. For example, my friend never went to school, but he knows English much better than an average student his age. The interesting part of this story is that his parents don't know English, he learned his English from computer games only. Another example is a recorded voice of a teacher that teaches a specific material, all you have to do is to pay once and you get the recording. Then, you can play it over and over again until you understand it properly.

To sum up, combining technology with human resource help the human kind to achieve a lot of goals.Doing so allow people to learn material from the computer, and not from a teacher.

2010-10-27T23:59:00.000-07:00

Recently, the most discussed issue is the problem of drivers on the roads. As we all know, the rate of driving accidents in the last years is always rising. Some of the people say that the reason of the raise in rate of driving accidents is the existing of a law which enable young and immature people to drive the roads. Those kind of people help to raise the rate of road accidents and there is no way to stop them yet.

One of the ideas to decrease the rate of road accident is raising the age for a driver's license. The people who offered this law thought that this law might be the solution to the problem of the increase in driving accidents. The idea behind this law is to allow the young people to become much more mature and responsible. This might be the solution to the major problem of the irresponsibility of young people on the roads. As we all know, when people get older, they become more mature. People who are wise and smart are better drivers because of many reasons, unlike young drivers who are not such good drivers., such as racing on the street with another car, driving slowly in order to let other cars to be in front of you(phr.), drive slowly and safe(how is this related to the other examples?). Those are the main reasons for car accidents on the road. Mature people are not likely do those things, but mature people, would not even think about driving fast in order to be "cool", the safety is much more important to them. I don't think that this is a good idea, because if a young driver would seek(ww.+gr.) for action on the road now, nothing can stop him and he will always seek for action on the road.

I think that the best way to decrease the rate of road accident is giving much more reports to young drivers. The reports must include a very high fine to pay. If the fine was high, then the younger people will think twice about what they should do instead of speeding up. High fines were proven to be very effective while use in order to change the behavior of the people. With good policemen, who won't give up to the young people(phr.), and high fine, the young drivers would do everything according to the rules on the roads. High taxes can intimidate people and make them change their behavior and their way of driving.

To sum up, raising the age for a driver's license is not a good idea because people usually don't change their behavior when they get older. I think that the best idea is raising the taxes of the reports(phr.) on the road. Raising the fines would be the best way of change their driving way(phr.) and stop the mess on the road.

2010-10-22T23:54:00.000-07:00

The internet today is the most useful and important invention. The internet is a net that allows the user, who can be every single man, to surf the web and find useful things, such as games, information, business, chat rooms and a lot of other useful things.

The internet has disadvantages and advantages. The internet has a lot of advantages, such as email, business and spare time activites. The email is like a regular mail, but the difference is when you send an email, you don't need to wait, the moment you send it, the receiver of the email gets it. Moreover, the internet contains a huge amount of useful information that is suitable for students and everyone else. Further more, there are a lot of opportunities to do money on the internet and find deals there

But, although the internet has many advantages, it also has a lot of disadvantages. A lot of innocent people, such as children, are exposed to substance like pornography, and inappropriate talks in chat rooms. Moreover, the internet spend your time(gr.+phr. - the Internet can not "spend" you time, you spend time on the Internet) and makes you so lazy that you don't even get up from the computer to do some sports (and so...?).

To sum up, the internet has a lot of advantages, such as business opportunities, and gathering information easily. But there are also disadvantages, such as pornography, lack of activities and violence. My opinion is that the internet is good, but you should use it wisely and think about the consequences of your actions.

(83)

Daphna

community

2010-09-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

Communities centers are very important to students. In these days, students think that communities(phr. - a community can't be "made") are things that were made for bored people who have no life. Because of this, the schools in these days have to teach and show to its students how communities can help to build relationships and teach things that you can't learn in school.

On the one hand, students today usually don't help the communites because(of) their lack of knowledge. I, for example, didn't know that joining the community(phr. - which community have you joined?) raises the chances of becoming a pilot in the airforce. After I heard this detail, the first thing in my mind was that I had to join the community. But this was the reason that I joined the community, because I always wanted to be a pilot. So the point is that I believe that lack in details of how many benefits you can have by joining the community is the main reason that people don't join the community.

On the other hand, people think that joining the community is a waste of time and a waste of money and that makes them feel abused by the community because they don't benefit from it. The schools represent us the community as a place for "fun(phr.)". The problem here is that they don't think about what we, the students think about that(phr.). By telling that to people, that community is a place to have fun makes the people that go there bored people(phr.) and we, as students don't want to seem like bored people. Moreover, statistics and research of how people can benefit from joining the community can help and make the numbers of the people who join the community go bigger and bigger(phr.).

To sum up, there are a lot of reasons now that make people become afraid of joining the community, there is a lot of lack of knowledge, a lot of rumors about abusing and some other things(phr.).. Schools today must teach and show people that joining the community can only do good for them. This is the only way to make students like the community and join it.

I don't know how to fix the phr mistakes, I need help with that..

(We need to talk.I think you are not explaining what you mean properly, and thus, not using the term community inn the right way.)

(60)
Daphna

sports

2010-09-08T06:24:00.000-07:00

Some people prefer team sports and some people(ww. - others) prefer individual sports. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Team sports means doing sport with many friends, for example going to a gym together with your friends, jogging or doing aerobics together(No,team sports means, football, basketball and so on). By doing sport individualy, you can do the same things that you do in team sports but you do it alone.

On the one hand, team sports are preferable because of the fun you have every time you do activities by talking and joking with your friends from your sports team. This way, you keep away from your mind that you are exhausted and you keep doing the activity. Individual sports are for one man, the only advantage in these kinds of sports is that you don't have to wait for your team until all of them arrive, you just depend on yourself. This is too general and not clear enough, I am sure each type of sports has other, more important advantages. You should write about achievements in each kind of sports..

On the other hand, team sports have a lot of disadvantages. You always depend on other people. For example, you have to set a meeting with the people from the team and wait until all of them arrive. The sports in a team is not something up to you, for example, if you want to work on spesific muscles, and other wants to work on other muscles, it is a big problem for you and it might be very annoying sometimes(Again, you got the whole concept of team sports wrong, and that's why you haven't related to the right disadvantegs. Think about football or basketball players....). Individual sports are sometimes even worse than group sports, because when you do sports alone you get bored and you slowly lose the motivation to continue.

To sum up, both, individual sports and group sports have advantages and disadvantages. But in my opinion, individual sports are much better because even if you get bored, there are other things that can keep your mind busy instead of thinking about how tired you are, such as music and it can replace the joy you have while doing sports with friends.

It's better, but you missed the point. Go over this essay again according to my remarks.

(70)

Daphna

2010-04-28T22:04:00.001-07:00

24 Bareket St.
Holon
24/4/2010

Harvard University
P.O BOX 18770
Philadelphia. PA
USA

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing this letter because I would like to apply for admission to your university.I understand you have an excellent economics course. I also heard that Harvard University is the best university for education pertaining to economics and I think that I am suitable to join the course at Harvard university because of my excellent grades in all (the) subjects I have previously learned.

As I said, my grades are very good and I want to apply for admission to your university because I heard that Harvard University's students almost always pass the final test and after passing the final test they can get a job very easily and the salary is much better if you learned(ww.+gr.) in(ww. - at) Harvard University. Moreover, while I was in school, I had never caused any problems or anything of the sort nor had I ever acted against the rules of the school, (New sentence) therefore, I really want to learn, and I am not going to cause any trouble in the University.- too long.

The reason that I want to join the economics course is because when I was young I saw a lot of movies about successful people who manage to buy things and sell them for higher prices, or become a manager of successful people, for example actors or football players etc.. In addition, my father is a salesman and from a young age I have seen what he usually does and I really like it. Morover, I really like math, so numbers is(gr.) not a problem for me.

To sum up, I think that I am suitable to join the economics course at Harvard University because of my grades and my passion for success in my life as a salesman or actors' manager.

I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely yours,

Shubi Star.

(90)

Daphna

2010-04-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

24 Bareket St.
Holon
24/4/2010

"See The World" Travel Agency
1764 West 125th Street
New York

Dear Sir / Madam,

My name is Shoval. I am writing this letter because I want to ask a few questions about the organized tour to the United States which I hope to take part in. I am 17 years old and the main reasons why I want to visit the United State are food and sightseeing. The problem is that my English is not very good and I expect to have a guide who knows both English and Hebrew because I don't have any experience traveling.

I heard about the tour from my friend. He told me that people in the tour are given time to rest in restaurants and places with captivating views of nature from a very high altitude, for example from the Empire State Building or Mount Rushmore and some other famous places. I would also like to ask what the policy is concerning non kosher food and visiting Chinese restaurants.

First of all, I would like to ask some questions. I would like to know how much an organized tour which includes all the states in the United States costs I would also like to know what meals will be served in the hotels we'll stay in Will we eat there or only sleep there? What about entertainment in the hotels? Furthermore, I would like to ask how many people will attend the tour and what will their average age.

To sum up, I can't wait to join the tour and I would like to hear from your company as soon as possible.

Sincerely yours,
Shoval Bar

Good work
(88)
Daphna

2010-04-07T22:13:00.000-07:00

Holon
Bareket 10 (10 Bareket st.)
08/04/2010

Station manager
(Add the name of the station)
Holon
Bareket 45 (45 bareket st.
Holon)

Dear Sir/Madam.

I am writing this letter because I would like suggest an issue for the radio situation(ww.) to deal with. Moreover(מיותר), being a teenager, I know what would be interesting for other teens. I think that in order to get their attention the program should focus on problems connected to the IDF The Israel's army

Many teenagers today don't want to join the army. Some of these teenagers think that joining the army is a bad, unnecessary waste of their time. Some teenagers lie when they need to be tested for a position in the army. Furthermore, some teenagers who can really help the army with their superior abilites think that they can spend their time in other places that can better advance them in the future.

In addition, the program should offer interested students(ww.-not clear what you mean) 2 kinds of tools: 1. A place to ask questions about issues raised in the program. 2. Get(ww. - gain) experience by being sent to the army for (a) short time in order to show to those students what they might like in the army and what they might not like. This will get them motivated and give them a specific direction towards which(what?) to apply themselves.

To sum up, as a new series on the radio station, it should deal with the problems of students with the army(phr.). If the series succeeds, the government will be grateful and more people will join the army. I hope that you take my suggestions into consideration.

,Sincerely yours

Raz Bar

Good work.

(85)

Daphna

2010-02-24T22:35:00.000-08:00

2 weeks ago my class went on a trip to the "Gadna". I really liked the time we spent there. I also learned a lot of things about myself; such as appreciating my mother's food, or showering alone with out any disturbs(ww.). But after all, I really liked this trip, if I had the opportunity to go there again, I would do that.

In the "Gadna", we had to do everything that our commanders ordered us. It was kind of strange because, in my home, I don't really listen to what my parents say. We also had to clean the toilet, the kitchen, and our tent, which I have never done before; my mom always does that. The commanders divided us (in)to 9 teams of 12 students. So, in order to finish our missions fast, we had to work together.

Moreover, we went into the field. The field had very dry sand(How is this fact related to anything?). The weather there was very strange; it was very hot between the hours (of) 10 AM to 6 PM and for the rest of the day it was too cold and we had to wear all of the clothes we got. We also had to stand up with the times(phr.), for example, if the commander gave us 10 minutes for resting(phr.), we abused(ww.) it as much as we can(gr.) and then we had to find the other team mate in order to have more resting time and not be punished(nor clear), so we also learned to help each other.

To sum up, I have(מיותר) really enjoyed (it) there. I liked the point(ww.) that the commanders were trying to give(ww.) us, which is the team work and I liked the whole point(ww.) of being in the gadna, which is like the army itself. But I didn't like the weather there, it was to unexpected and made everyone sick.I think that it was the best trip we have ever had and i really recommend to the people who doubt about going(phr.) there or not, to go there, you will enjoy it for sure.

Not bad at all. Where is your 11th writing assignment????

(78)

Daphna

2010-02-10T22:41:00.000-08:00

Bareket 24
Holon
24/2/2010

Travel Agency online
Hopien ST. 36(wo. - 35 Hopien st.)
U.S.A

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing this letter because I bought tickets for a trip in Turkey. But than ,when I arrived to the hotel , I realized that it was a mistake to go on this trip. I didn't enjoy the hotel, or the trip. I am writing this letter because I wish to complain about the wrogn details and I also want a refund.
The site that sold the tickets stated that therewould be 3 meals a day in the hotel. The site alsostated that there would be 5 beds in the room, the room would be clean and there would be an air-conditioner. The site gave information about the tour as well. It said that we would go to the famous waterfall-niagara fall, and then we would climb mountains and see a beautiful view from there.

When I got to the hotel, I found out that there were only 2 meals a day, and the meals were disgusting. When I saw the room that the website promised us, I got(ww. - was) shocked because of the dirty walls(and floor) in the room, the floor was very dirty too(מיותר). I had though about a room that would worth the money(phr.) after I read the details about this room. We didn't go to the "Niagara" falls, either, because the guide was sick.
To sum up, I want to ask you for a refund. The website did not give us the right information about the room. It was very dirty and we had to clean it by ourselves. Moreover, we didn't go to the "Niagara" falls as promised because of the instructor(ww.).
I look forward to your answer.
Sincerely yours,
Shlomi Califa.

Much better. Good work.
(85)
Daphna

Cyber Crime

2010-01-27T22:32:00.000-08:00

Bareket 24
Holon
24/2/2010

Mr. Castro

Manager

Angles On line

45 Hofyeen street.

Holon

Dear Mr. Castro,

I am writing this letter because I want to join the Angles Online organization. I want to join this organization because personally, it is very important for me to help victims of cyber crimes. Recently, I was(gr. - have been) a victim of cyber crime. I really needed this help and than I found a cyber angel. This cyber angel helped me a lot. After (a) few weeks the stalker disappeared. Since than(sp. then), I realized that the helping a victim of cyber crime is needed and I really want to help other victims of cyber crime.

I think that I am ready to become a cyber angel because I am almost always on the computer. I think that if I become a cyber angel I will try to find victims of cyber crime and help them. I will do everything I can in order to help them. Moreover, I, personally, have the experience of being a cyber victim and I know how the victims suffer of cyber crimes.

I also think that I am suitable to become a cyber angel because I also have experience helping poor animals that lost their family or part of their body and they need help in order to survive. I volunteered(at) the "Best Friend" organization and saved up to 50 poor animals that had to be a part of a family in order to survive.

To sum up, I want to become a cyber angel because I identify with(ww.- understand) cyber crime victims and I want to help them get rid of their stalkers. I think I am suitable for this position because I have some experience. Moreover, I understand the reasonability of helping cyber crimes victims and I want to help them to live (a) normal life with out stalkers.

I look foward to your answer.

Sincerely yours,

Shlomi Califa.

Much better. Well done.

(90)

Daphna.

ירוק-מתוקן

אדום-לא יודע איך לתקן

כחול-הערות שלך לפני התיקון

Virtual Schools

2009-12-29T01:07:00.000-08:00

A virtual School is a school where students learn the same material that students usually learn in a regular school. The difference between a virtual school and a regular school is the way of learning, the martial and the place you learn. In a regular school all of the students have to meet each other six times in a week for a few hours. Instead of regular school's learning way(phr.), in virtual schools the students meet once a week and learn the same martial(sp.) as the students in regular schools but in the virtual school, the students don't have to move from their homes in order to talk with the teacher, all they have to do is log in to the internet.

The virtual school has disadvantages and advantages. On the one hand, the virtual schools are not suitable for everyone. As we know, today there are a lot of students that do not have a lot of money; they hardly can(wo.) afford their studies in a regular school. Those students cannot afford a computer or internet. Another example is that students might see the virtual school as a replacement for their regular school, they will not log on to the virtual school. In this way they will lie to their parents and tell them that they log on to the virtual school while they don't do that.

The virtual school has also advantages. The Virtual school is not far away from home, actually you can log on to the virtual school while you are in(ww) home. This thing helps the students get into the lessons no time. Moreover, if you have something very important to ask youe teacher and in order to see him you have to wait until the next day because he might have left the school early in the normal school, here it is different. all you have to do is log on to your Email and then ask him the question through the Email.

To sum up, Virtual schools have advantages and disadvantages. I think that this is a great opportunity to test a new way to teach students and we have to try it in order to see the results. In my opinion, the virtual school is much more comfortable. Students will like to learn in virtual scool more than in a reuglar school

(75)

Daphna

A Formal Letter

2009-12-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

32 Hofyen
Holon
July 2, 2009

Mrs. Gilat Simon
Kugel High School
1 Mota-Gur street
Holon

Dear Madam,

Once a year, students from Israel journey(ww.) to Poland. There, in Poland, the Israeli students see the remains of what exactly happened during the Holocaust. They can see there the conditions that the Jews had in the Ghetto. I am writing because this journey is very important for us, the Jewish students, but not all of us can afford it and some of us really want to go there but the cost of the trip is too high for us.

First of all, as I said in the first paragraph, the costs of the journey are too high. Today, there are a lot of problems with the economy in Israel. I think that if there is an opportunity for students to go on this journey, then all of the students should go, in keeping with the idea that all students deserve the same rights, and schools shouldn't let economic troubles affect a student's participation in school activites.

Moreover, I personally know some students that really want to go on this journey, but they can't afford it and they can't do anything about it. I think that you, as a principal, should gather signatures from all of the students and the signatures will be used for a vote of lowering the price(phr.) of the journey or, you could collect money from donors in order to lower the price.

To sum up, there are a lot of students that really want to go on this journey but they can't afford the costs. The cost of this journey is very high and someone has to help and lower the price, and(Start a new sentence) if the government can't do it then we should for(מיותר) ask (for) help from people that(ww. who) would like to donate some of their money to us, the students who can't afford the journey.

Sincerely yours,

Mor Bar

Good work.

(92)

Daphna

2009-11-04T22:25:00.000-08:00

The story "A Summer's Reading" tells us about a guy called George. George wanted to get an education in order to get a good job and live better. He lives in a poor nighebrhood(sp.), his mom died and the writer didn't tell us about any helpful connection with his family. Those detailes put us in "his shoes" and show us his hard life.

Geroge is 20 years old, he is a childish(and) lazy boy who wanted(gr.) to get a good job. Geroge lives in a poor neighborhood. George is a dropout, he dropped out of school at age 16. George wasn't really pupolar in school and he didn't have a lot of friends, and even kids that were in his class didn't recognize him when he walked near them on the street. George is an unfriendly guy and really lazy(no point in repeating yourself).

There are a few characters in the story who try to help George do something good in his life, but in order to do it he has to get an education. and(מיותר) (Start a new sentence) his way to get an education is(by) reading books. The problem is that George is too lazy to do it. George has a realtionship with a guy called Mr.Cat. Mr.Cat encourages George to do something with his life but Goerge is too lazy to read books and get an education.
.
To sum up, I believe that Goerge has to do something with his life, he has to get a job and get an education. Goerge(sp.) has failed in life, he dropped out of school, he didn't get back to school and didn't go to a summer school. I hope that he will shape up someday and get a good job.

Better.

(85)

Daphna

The Pelican Breif

2009-10-21T23:30:00.000-07:00

I have recently read a novel named "The Pelican Breif". It is a dramtic story. The title of the book gives us a lot of information on the book; There is a brief that contains an evdince of crime which effects the pelicans. The book is really good in the begining and then becoming(gr.) much more intresting.

In the story there are a lot of characthers. In the begning of the story one character murdered two judges and then the story became more intresting; The main Character tries(gr. - keep using the past) to find out who killed them. Some of her friends helped her to get more information about the murder of the judges but everytime she gets(gr.) information about the murder there are(gr.) always people who want(gr.) to kill her.

There is a main character in the story named Darby. The main character in the story(phr. - she) is still a student and she is trying to become a lawyer, (Start a new sentence) she works with one of her friends, that(ww. - who) works in(ww. - for) the F.B.I. (Start a new sentence)togther, they get information about the reasons of murdering the judgets, while trying to stay alive and stay away from the people who (are) trying to kill them.

To sum up, the book is really good and I recommend it. The dramatic situations in the story make the story really good. The book is suitable for ages 14+, because I think that at this age people can will be able(gr.) to understand the story better(It's not clear why).

Daphna

The Disaster Between Our Ears

2009-09-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

According to the article "The Disaster Between Our Ears", the writer claims that people who eat healthy food, become relaxed, and their mental performance improves. The writer's opinion was proved by a research which was conducted on students in school and even prisoners in jail.

In my opinion, manufacturers are not responsible for what we eat (Wait a minute! How did you get here? How is this statement related to what you've written in your 1st paragraph?). Thus, people are responsible for their health and their mental abilities. If they want to be much healthier, improve their mental abilities and even become less aggressive, they have to eat healthy food. The people are responsible for their money, and their money buys their food

Moreover, the people who buy their food can see what the food that they buy(phr. - it) includes. According to the law, the manufacturers have to publish the nutrients in the food that they sell. So all the people have to do is to check and choose if they want to buy it or not and decide if the nutrients in the product are healthy enough for them

To sum up, in my opinion the people are responsible for the food they buy, because they have the choice to buy their food and the choice to spend their money on what they want. All they have to do is check the product before buying it.

Daphna

Dirty Places

2009-09-17T04:50:00.000-07:00

132 Fleetwood Street

Ashvile

September 12, 2009

The Editor

Around Town

P.O Box 52

Ashvile

Dear Editor,

Concerning the article "Dirty Places" I would like to express my point of view. In my opinion, people in Israel really take care of the environment. To begin with(מיותר), in the article you wrote that Israelis don't take care of the environment and all they do is throw their garbage anywhere they want.

In my opinion, you're wrong. Today there are a lot of people in Israel that volunteer for free. Those people join cleaning groups and together they clean dirty places and rivers. As for the people who throw their garbage anywhere they want, I think that you can't say that about everyone, the awareness about this subject is very high today. A lot of people know that plastics pollute the environment. So, today most of the people throw their garbage into the nearest garbage can and not on the floor.

To sum up, I think that you are wrong, Israelis take care of the environment. moreover, some of them also volunteer and clean dirty places for free.

Yours Truly,

Mor Bar

It's better, but it's still too short.

Daphna

Losing Jewish Identity

2009-09-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

link:http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3774133,00.html

In Israel some of the people join the army and some of them don't. It is every citizen's right to choose whether to join the army or not. The Arabs don't have to join the army because they have the right to choose between fighting with other Arab armies or do nothing to help Israel win wars. We can understand the Arabs. But what about the orthodox jews? The Haredim don't have to join the army according to Israel's army's rules. According to the article, Yair lapid said that they fear the(מיותר) death. The explanation they gave was "we don't fear death, We fear losing our Jewish identity".

In my opinion, they shouldn't have the right to choose whether to join the army or not.orthodox jews use the money of the country, eat from the food of the country(phr.) and worst of all is the fact that every citizen in the country pays taxes and the orthodox jews take some of the money from our taxes(phr.), why? Because they study the Torah. Well, this is what they do for the rest of their lives, can't they serve the country by protecting it's people just for 3 years? (Start a new sentence)then they can do whatever they want and people will not have any objection for giving their money to the orthodox jews.

However, none of the orthodox jews have a sufficient explanation. According to the article, their explanation was: "We fear losing our Jewish identity". This excuse is unacceptable. I have never heard about people who lost their Jewish identity while serving in the army. People can choose by themselves if they want to lose their Jewish identity or keep it, the army doesn't do that work, they do that. This is why their reason is unacceptable, if they want to keep their Jewish identity no one is standing in their way, including the army.

To sum up, orthodox jews have many reasons not to join the army, but none of them are acceptable. In my opinion, every man and woman in this country has to join the army. If they choose to study the Torah, that's fine, but they have to serve the country before. And as a punishment, if they don't do that, they shouldn't be allowed to get the taxpayers' money.

(85)
Daphna

Haredim-Hasidic Jews

Dirty Places

2009-08-31T07:17:00.000-07:00

http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1251145154573&pagename=JPost/JPAr

The article talks about the family that headed to the Golan for a few days in order to enjoy the last days of the summer vacation. This family headed to Nahal Kibbutzim and found themselves surrounded by garbage, when one of this family asked people, who were already in the water, "How can people demonstrate such disregard?" They answered him that Israelis don't care about anyone other than themselves. The writer also says that the problem is in the schools, and in order to solve the problem we have to change the school basics and teach students that leaving garbage after you is a bad thing and they should clean it.

In my opinion, not all of the Israelis care about themselves and don't care about anyone else, some of the Israelis even improve the situation and help to clean places like the beach and some other public places. The good thing is that the people who volunteer to work in cleaning groups do it for no charge, and this is only one example of people in Israel who try to help and clean the public places. The government also pays for people to clean the streets. Paying for people that clean the street is a good thing, both sides benefit from that, the workers earn money from the government, and the streets stay clean. There is also a political party that handles cleaning groups so its goal is to keep places clean. (- which party is that?)

However, there is a point in the article; the writer is right, there are a lot of people in Israel who don’t care about anything else. they are too lazy to go to the garbage can and throw in it their garbage. Some of them don't even think about throwing their garbage in the garbage can and they just throw it near them and then when they leave the place , it stays dirty. I think that the parents of the people who leave garbage in the places they were didn't explain (to) them that throwing garbage or leaving it on floor is a bad thing. This is the reason that people go anywhere they want and drop their garbage anywhere they want.

To sum up, there are a lot of people who try to improve the situation and there are a lot of people that don't care about anyone and throw their garbage anywhere they want without thinking twice about what they are doing. In my opinion, the government should change the basics(ww.) in the schools(phr.), and teach the pupil that throwing garbage in public places is a bad thing and no one should to do that. I also suggest that the police take a(מיותר) part by helping catch the people who do that and make them pay. This is the only way to teach people (to) keep the public places clean.

(85)
Daphna

The Students Today

2009-05-14T03:10:00.000-07:00

People use the Internet to gain access to powerful places like the Facebook. The "website" Facebook is used by many people. Some of them use this website for positive aspects, but also some of them use this website for negative aspects. In my opinion, students shouldn't get access to websites like Facebook without supervision.

Recently I saw a website of a girl that has a website called "ihateyoumay"-(I hate you May). The kid that created this website put pictures of this girl and called her names. I have no idea if May saw this website. But if she did, she probably wouldn't be so happy.

One week ago, after I read the article about the Facebook that became a forum for hate groups, I created an account in the "website" Facebook. And after sometime, when I realized how to use the Facebook, I was shocked by the amount of hate groups. the people in those groups just call people names and all the friends and the class of the group's creator become unfriendly and look for reasons and chances to pick a fight with the kid without even knowing him.

To sum up, I think that the Facebook has to censor swear words. The Facebook's administers have to take a look at their website and delete "hate groups" and even ban the account's creator of the "hate group". I also think that the parents of "hate group" creator and the "hate group" creator have to be punished by a police order. This is the only way to stop publishing "hate groups".

School Uniform

2009-04-23T02:46:00.000-07:00

School uniform is a special kind of clothes that all students have to wear in order to get into school. The School uniform represents the school and in order to be a part of the school you have to wear such a uniform. Sometimes, when students forget their school uniform they get punished or they are not allowed to get into the school until they wear the uniform.

On the one hand, the school uniform has a lot of advantages; the school uniform is much cheaper than most of the clothes that clothes shops sell. therefore , the school uniform is not really bad, it is suitable for all students. When a student gets up in the morning, he doesn't spend a lot of time looking for better clothes. The school uniform also makes other students look on your real character(phr.), for exmaple: they judge you by the way you talk, behave, etc and not according to the clothes you wear.

On the other hand, the school uniform has some disadvantages; the school uniform is not fashionable, so no one really cares and pays attention to it. The material of which school uniforms are made is not of high quality, and people usually sweat when they wear the uniform and then smell bad.

To sum up, there are advantages and disadvantages for school uniforms. If I had a chance to choose, I would choose the way that people would keep wearing school uniforms(phr.). In order to change the opinion of other people about the school uniform, the company that creates the school uniform has to change the material of which the school unfiorm is made of.

I have no idea how to fix the sentence.

Mr. and Ms. McCall

2009-04-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

In the begining of the story we can understand that Burge McCall and Mrs. McCall are married but Burge McCall doesn't buy to(מיותר) his wife things with his money, he prefers to buy things for other women. Burge McCall also behaves horribly to his wife. In the following parts of the story Burge McCall becomes worried for his life and decides to change his behavior. - very good opening!

In the begining of the story we can see that Burge McCall and Ms. McCall don't really like each other. Burge McCall hates the way that his wife looks at him. After a while Burge McCall tries to create a fight between him and his wife but Mrs. McCall just looks at him and(מיותר) with dismay while he calls her names. Then Burge McCall got angry and slapped her. One day Burge McCall dropped into his uncle's drugstore and his uncle said that his wife was there in the morning and she bought rat poison. Burge McCall understood that she might put the rat poison in his food so he stopped eating and drinking at home. Burge McCall also changed his behavior towards his wife to good behavior. - This is good, but you got the tenses mixed up. You start with the present simple and continue with the past simple. You should decide on a tense you want to use, either the present or the past and stick to it.

The realtionship between them was very bad. A husband isn't supposed to be acrimonious towards his wife. Instead, he must be nurturing and loving. My opnion on this particular realtionship is negative, I don't think that it is right to behave this way to your wife. I also felt that Burge McCall wasn't the ideal husband that any woman would ever want. I think that Burge McCall's(מיותר) thinks only of himself and takes care only of himself and Mrs.McCall is a very nice lady that deserves more than a husband like Burge McCall. Moreover, I believe she has got a lot of patience.

Well done! (90)
Daphna.

Home Work

2009-03-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

The teachers in schools think that the best thing(ww.) to teach students in class is the home work.
They usually say that this is the best way to gain information and rememebr (sp.) it.
.

In my opnion Ben (Who is Ben? How is he related? You have to explain in a few words) is totally right! I agree that H.W is unecessary to learn the material. All the teacher have to do is to learn(ww. - teach) us the material in the class and then when they really want us to do something and not get bored at home they can give us some projects. But, as I said, no H.W. Even if (you) prepared(gr. - prepare) the H.W everytime, you always forget what have you done in the H.W (the word order here is wrong).

But(ww. - However,) the H.W is necessary only in math. When you do H.W in math you always do the same thing(what thing? The exerecises?) and then you get used to it and you can learn it faster. The(מיותר) math become(gr. - becomes) a very(מיותר) fun material and everytime you prepare H.W you enjoy it.

To sum up, the(מיותר) H.W is not necessary to students. All they have to do is to practise on(מיותר) the new material and do (the) tests, nothing more.

You have quite a few grammar mistakes and some of your sentences need rephrasing. Other than that, you are not saying much in this essay. I need more depth in your work. Your last paragraph needs reorganizing. (70)
Daphna

Peer Pressure

2009-02-22T13:20:00.000-08:00

Peer pressure happens when you don't really know what to do. Your brain tells you to do the right thing but your friends tell you to do the wrong thing. Sometimes, the student doesn't know what to do and listens to his friends (and) so(he) lies to other people, and steals money from his parents. Peer pressure is a big step towards the wrong way.

On the one hand, people tend to listen to their friends because they want to fit in or worry about other kids that may make fun of them. so, they surrender to peer pressure. But some of the time, people really become liked in the community. Sometimes this peer pressure helps you fit in.

On the other hand, people act as other people tell them to act and they get into very terrible places as jail or they get into embarrassing situations when they get into craim(ww.) situations as a result of peer Pressure.

To sum up, peer pressure can be ignored by kids only if they think about their future and think before doing terrible things or you can listen to your friends and try to fit in but don't surrender to peer pressure, because it is not a good thing and can only bring troubles.- This is a great conclusion, but you have to divide this very long sentence into, at least, two shorter ones.

Very good work! I'm proud of you.
(95)
Daphna.

Space Exploration expensive

2009-02-19T02:50:00.000-08:00

The thrill of discovery interest(gr. ) a lot of people and this is the main reason of (ww. - for) exploring the space and other planets. However, this is not the only reason to explore the space. There are a lot of problems on Earth that force people to explore other planets. However, People think that space exploring(ww. - exploration) has some risks and (is) too expensive.

On the one hand, the discovery of other planets is very important in order to live on them when the eath(sp.) will be gone. There is also the ambition of finding other living forms in space that might help us in the problems on Earth or to learn about them. There are also(phr. - In addition there are) satellites that improve the life on Earth while they transmission(ww. - transmit) programs on T.V and the radio.

On the other hand, space exploration has a lot of risks to other people that want to be launched to the space(you have to explain what you mean what kind of risks and why you mention: "to other people"? who are these "other people"?). (Moreover,)The launch to space costs a lot of money, building the spaceship, the planning of the flying in the space etc. Once in a while when a satellite is launched to the(מיותר) space, it might hit other things in space like stones in space(ww. - debris or meteors) or other satellites and create a massive mess in space that can hurt us or other things(This is too general, what "things" are you talking about?).

To sum up, both of the ways (which "ways" are you talking about?) injure(ww. - hurt) us , the(מיותר) space exploration has a lot of risks and spends a lot of money but help(gr.) us discover things that might help us in the future. My personal opinion is that we should continue space exploration in order to find helpful things for humanity.

It's better, but you still have quite a few mistakes to correct and sentences to rephrase and explain better. (75)

Daphna.

2009-01-22T02:40:00.000-08:00

29.01.09
.
Dear Ronit ,
.
New Friend(what is this? the title? If so, this not the place for it)

I heared about your problem with Jill. This is a very difficult problem.
There is a problem with shy people because they don't make friends so easliy and it is very kind that you want to be his friend. However you have another problem with your snobbish friends. If you become friends with Jill, you risk losing your other friends.

The solution to this problem is up to you: First of all, you should talk to Jill and try to understand what does he want(gr. - what he wants). Then, if you see that he is very friendly, you can slowly, slowly (ww. gradually) join(ww.) him to the group, and then your snobbish friends will be his friend too. But first of all, you have to go and talk to him and find common activities(ww. - interests).

If Jill doesn't seem to be accepted by your snobbish friends, then this is a very big problem and then you should try to change his behavior, if you still want to be his friend. If you succeed, you will be able to join(ww.) him to your group easliy, but if he doesn't want to change his behavior, then you can be his friend and say to your snobbish friends that you would like to stay their friend even if you have another new friend.

Then, as I said, Jill will be your friend and your snobbish friends too and then everyone will be happy. You have a new friend that has no social problems and you just created a new world to(ww. - for) a new student

From
Mor Bar

This is much-much better. It's clear and interesting. Well done. (85)

Daphna.

War in Gaza

2009-01-07T12:24:00.000-08:00

In the last few weeks, Israel got in to Gaza and started a war.
The Hamas in Gaza launches missles at the south of Israel for a lot of time. This is the time to respond to the attacks.
I think that this action is very necessary and as Bibi Netanyahu said, we have no other choice.
In fact, Israel is doing all it can to save the innocent citizens. Israel's army calls the citizens which live in a building and says them to leave before the building will be attacked by the army, but there is a problem, those citizens don't leave, they climb on the roof and wait for the attacks.
Moreover, Gaza has a TV show that shows a bunny, A lot of kids love this bunny and it is very famous. A few days ago, the Hamas broadcast the last chapter of this series and showed to the kids in Gaza that the bunny was injured by Israel's army and they showed the bunny dying
and then after it said that the zionist hit him, he died. This is the way that they teach the kids when they are young to hate Israel.
I think that all we need to do is to keep fight with out mercy and only when all of the soliders of the Hamas will surrender, only then, we should make peace and stop the war.
It might cost soliders thier life, but every war has a price and we have to pay it in order to save the citizens in the south of Israel.

Letter

2008-12-20T05:21:00.000-08:00

11.08.07
Dear Rosa,
.
How are you? Do you still have problems with the kids? Do you still go to the gym? I don't know what about you but I am going to start getting in shape. Well I have something to tell you: Four weeks ago a very frightening thing happned to me and I would like some advice from you.

It was 4 o'clock. The sky was very dark, I couldn't see anything out the window but dark night. I couldn't fall asleep, so I went to watch TV. While I was walking to the television I passed near the window and then, from no where, with out any warning, I saw a blue light flying in the sky, and then I realized that the blue light was an alien!

I don't have any idea what happened after I saw the alien. All I remember from this event is the blue light and the alien. Then I woke up in my bed, I ran as fast as I can to the window that the alien was flying near but the alien wasn't there anymore.

I can sum up my problem in 1 question: What should I do now? Should I go to the police or just say nothing and look like nothing happned to me? I will be happy to have an answer as fast as you can.

Sincerely,
Mor

Daphna please check it again.

The computer

2008-11-29T10:33:00.000-08:00

The first computer
http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/86/250pxeniacsp4.jpg

70 years ago, the first computer has been invited(ww.) by john and Clifford. The first computer could only calculate, and remember little pieces of information. The first computer was huge; it was in the same size of a very large room.
Also, it wasn't comfortable to use the computer, and it has no keyboard.
The first computer could decipher only 29 kinds of equations. Although it wasn't so useful and was too expensive, it was "a start of (a) new way".
As a new invitation(ww.) no one really know(gr.) what is it(phr.) and how to use it, no one can(gr.) afford a computer and the computer failed but then, after a lot of work and help of geniuses the computer became very known and useful.

The computer of(מיותר) today
http://img58.imageshack.us/img58/5459/250pxmacbookproax0.jpg

The new computer is much more better(gr.) then the first computer.
The computer of today has (a) keyboard and it is much more comfortable to use the computer of today. The computer of today also can do more then(sp.) the first computer, it can calculate a lot of things in math. It also can have some games so it can be useful to all ages. Little kids can play and learn from the new computer a lot of things, the new computer usually have(gr.) very helpful games that helps(gr.) little kids to learn math, English and some more information. The computer of today is also very small and a lot of people can afford a computer and we can see it very clearly when we ask people. Today, there are 5 computers per(for evrey) 6 kids, that means that every 6 kids have 5 computers and this(these) statistics can show us how useful is the computer of today(phr).

I took the information from this website http://he.wikipedia.org/wiki/.

Mor, your work is not bad, but there are a few problems. First of all, your topic isn't related to "Time", as I asked to do. You're showing the development of the computer in time, but that's not what I meant. If you want to write about an invention or a technological device, it has to be connected in itself to time, and not show how it changer through time. I hope you understand the difference.
Secondly, I understand that the links above each text are supposed to be the pictures, but there is no possibility to get into these links. I intended for the pictures to be shown, not as links, but clearly above the text.
Finally, you texts aren't divided into paragraphs.

Please correct your work.
Daphna

2008-11-20T03:11:00.000-08:00

The Princess Hotel

2008-11-06T02:47:00.000-08:00

4 years ago, I went with my family to a very beautiful hotel in Ilat(Eilat). Ilat is not a big city but it has a lot of hotels in there. The hotel was very big and beautiful, it really made an impression on me and and until now, i was talking(phr. and gr.) about the hotel from (the) outside. The hotel is huge and amazing from (the) inside, (too).

When we arrived at the hotel I couldn't believe that something like hotel(a hotel) could be such a beautiful place. My father asked me to look for cool things inside the hotel, look for the pool, and for more beautiful things or things to do. So I walked for an hour inside the hotel, it was very impressing(impressive) and I really enjoyed it. I saw very beautiful flowers, and trees. The pool was very big. And there were a lot of women and men in the bar, laughing and talking. After a while we entered the room and the room was very big, it had 4 beds and bathroom, a veranda' a table to eat on .and the room really impressed us.

The hotel is really cool, I really recommend to visit this hotel, this is the best place I ever saw(have ever seen) and (it's)worth the time, money and fuel that you spend until you get there. Also, the entertainment team is very funny and I really recommend to watch them every evening; they give prizes and a lot of cool stuff. So as I said, go there and enjoy as I enjoyed, you won't regret it.

Mor, this is better. I can see that corrected some of your mistakes, but you have left quite a few mistakes uncorrected. Please correct the sentences and words I have marked.

Daphna.

My Best Friend

2008-10-01T11:01:00.000-07:00

I am going to write about a very special person, my best friend, Reut. Reut is my closest friend because I really like her. Every time I need help with personals problems, or home work problems she is the only one who can help me. Sometimes, when I get bored, she is always here to play with me or chat. I met this special person 3 years ago, when we were in 7th grade, in junior high school.

Reut has green eyes, and long golden hair. Reut has two brothers and two pets. One of the pets is a dog and the second one is a cat, I like both of them.
Reut is a very funny person; she is smart, beautiful and a supportive person.
Reut usually spends her time in a youth movement, she is a leader there. She plays with young children, and she really enjoy it, and I am planning to join her in the future and lead young children with her.

Reut is the youngest kid in her family, she has two older brothers, one of them is 18 years old and the other is 15 years old. Her other brother, the younger one, was born 2 minutes before reut was born which means that they are twins. Reut never gets scared, even if there are any dangerous people in the area. She is very brave in those situations. Reut always likes to help other people in all kinds of problems, and is always here to make people happy when they are sad.

Reut has a great sense of music and I really like her music choises, every time she downloads a song, I know, even before I hear it, that this song is a beautiful song and I am always the first guy to hear new songs that she finds out as a good song. I am also glade to be her friend, I am happy that I have met such a good person and I wish that other people would be like her and learn from her a few things. And those are my reasons why I like Reut even more then a best friend, i like her as a sister.

About Myself

2008-09-11T02:56:00.000-07:00

My name is Mor Bar. I have black hair, brown eyes, I am not so tall but I am not short. I live in Holon, with one sister and one brother. I have a father and mother too, both of them live with us. I am the oldest kid in the family, after me, my sister was born and then my brother was born.

I have a lot of hobbies. I like my friends, I like to go with them to the mall, I like to go with them to play football, basketball, and sport games. Usually, when I have spare time and I have nothing to do, I play multiplayer games like Maple Story and Fly For Fun and I enjoy it. In those games people talk English,so everytime I play those games I speak English and I practice my grammar, and my spelling. I have a friend that usually plays with me in those games, we play those games for like 3 years and we really enjoy it.

My school is a very big place, it has four buildings, but , we don't have enough rooms to learn in, so we have to move from one class to another so(use "and" instead of "so" here) it is kind of diffuclt to do that and it is an anoying thing in our school.

I prefer to learn physics because this is very helpful subject(phr.) and the material is very easy and fun,(Start a new sentence here. You tend to write run-on sentences) there is alot of mathematics in this subject, and I like mathematics. So if we combine mathematics and physics we get very cool material. Also if you learn physics you can be a scientist and this is my dream, to be a scientist.

I don't have alot of expectations from this year, I just want to be a good pupil, get good grades. I also want to get a job as soon as I can because sometimes I have nothing to do at (my) home so I want to try something new like a job.- This can not work as a conclusion of your essay, since it doesn't conclude or sum up any thing you have written so far. You need to add some more to this paragraph in order for it to work as a closing paragraph.

Daphna.