Letter

11.08.07
Dear Rosa,
.
How are you? Do you still have problems with the kids? Do you still go to the gym? I don't know what about you but I am going to start getting in shape. Well I have something to tell you: Four weeks ago a very frightening thing happned to me and I would like some advice from you.

It was 4 o'clock. The sky was very dark, I couldn't see anything out the window but dark night. I couldn't fall asleep, so I went to watch TV. While I was walking to the television I passed near the window and then, from no where, with out any warning, I saw a blue light flying in the sky, and then I realized that the blue light was an alien!

I don't have any idea what happened after I saw the alien. All I remember from this event is the blue light and the alien. Then I woke up in my bed, I ran as fast as I can to the window that the alien was flying near but the alien wasn't there anymore.

I can sum up my problem in 1 question: What should I do now? Should I go to the police or just say nothing and look like nothing happned to me? I will be happy to have an answer as fast as you can.

Sincerely,
Mor


Daphna please check it again.

The computer

The first computer
http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/86/250pxeniacsp4.jpg

70 years ago, the first computer has been invited(ww.) by john and Clifford. The first computer could only calculate, and remember little pieces of information. The first computer was huge; it was in the same size of a very large room.
Also, it wasn't comfortable to use the computer, and it has no keyboard.
The first computer could decipher only 29 kinds of equations. Although it wasn't so useful and was too expensive, it was "a start of (a) new way".
As a new invitation(ww.) no one really know(gr.) what is it(phr.) and how to use it, no one can(gr.) afford a computer and the computer failed but then, after a lot of work and help of geniuses the computer became very known and useful.


The computer of(מיותר) today
http://img58.imageshack.us/img58/5459/250pxmacbookproax0.jpg

The new computer is much more better(gr.) then the first computer.
The computer of today has (a) keyboard and it is much more comfortable to use the computer of today. The computer of today also can do more then(sp.) the first computer, it can calculate a lot of things in math. It also can have some games so it can be useful to all ages. Little kids can play and learn from the new computer a lot of things, the new computer usually have(gr.) very helpful games that helps(gr.) little kids to learn math, English and some more information. The computer of today is also very small and a lot of people can afford a computer and we can see it very clearly when we ask people. Today, there are 5 computers per(for evrey) 6 kids, that means that every 6 kids have 5 computers and this(these) statistics can show us how useful is the computer of today(phr).

I took the information from this website http://he.wikipedia.org/wiki/.

Mor, your work is not bad, but there are a few problems. First of all, your topic isn't related to "Time", as I asked to do. You're showing the development of the computer in time, but that's not what I meant. If you want to write about an invention or a technological device, it has to be connected in itself to time, and not show how it changer through time. I hope you understand the difference.
Secondly, I understand that the links above each text are supposed to be the pictures, but there is no possibility to get into these links. I intended for the pictures to be shown, not as links, but clearly above the text.
Finally, you texts aren't divided into paragraphs.

Please correct your work.
Daphna

The Princess Hotel

4 years ago, I went with my family to a very beautiful hotel in Ilat(Eilat). Ilat is not a big city but it has a lot of hotels in there. The hotel was very big and beautiful, it really made an impression on me and and until now, i was talking(phr. and gr.) about the hotel from (the) outside. The hotel is huge and amazing from (the) inside, (too).

-

When we arrived at the hotel I couldn't believe that something like hotel(a hotel) could be such a beautiful place. My father asked me to look for cool things inside the hotel, look for the pool, and for more beautiful things or things to do. So I walked for an hour inside the hotel, it was very impressing(impressive) and I really enjoyed it. I saw very beautiful flowers, and trees. The pool was very big. And there were a lot of women and men in the bar, laughing and talking. After a while we entered the room and the room was very big, it had 4 beds and bathroom, a veranda' a table to eat on .and the room really impressed us.

-

The hotel is really cool, I really recommend to visit this hotel, this is the best place I ever saw(have ever seen) and (it's)worth the time, money and fuel that you spend until you get there. Also, the entertainment team is very funny and I really recommend to watch them every evening; they give prizes and a lot of cool stuff. So as I said, go there and enjoy as I enjoyed, you won't regret it.

Mor, this is better. I can see that corrected some of your mistakes, but you have left quite a few mistakes uncorrected. Please correct the sentences and words I have marked.

Daphna.

My Best Friend

I am going to write about a very special person, my best friend, Reut. Reut is my closest friend because I really like her. Every time I need help with personals problems, or home work problems she is the only one who can help me. Sometimes, when I get bored, she is always here to play with me or chat. I met this special person 3 years ago, when we were in 7th grade, in junior high school.

Reut has green eyes, and long golden hair. Reut has two brothers and two pets. One of the pets is a dog and the second one is a cat, I like both of them.
Reut is a very funny person; she is smart, beautiful and a supportive person.
Reut usually spends her time in a youth movement, she is a leader there. She plays with young children, and she really enjoy it, and I am planning to join her in the future and lead young children with her.

Reut is the youngest kid in her family, she has two older brothers, one of them is 18 years old and the other is 15 years old. Her other brother, the younger one, was born 2 minutes before reut was born which means that they are twins. Reut never gets scared, even if there are any dangerous people in the area. She is very brave in those situations. Reut always likes to help other people in all kinds of problems, and is always here to make people happy when they are sad.

Reut has a great sense of music and I really like her music choises, every time she downloads a song, I know, even before I hear it, that this song is a beautiful song and I am always the first guy to hear new songs that she finds out as a good song. I am also glade to be her friend, I am happy that I have met such a good person and I wish that other people would be like her and learn from her a few things. And those are my reasons why I like Reut even more then a best friend, i like her as a sister.

About Myself

My name is Mor Bar. I have black hair, brown eyes, I am not so tall but I am not short. I live in Holon, with one sister and one brother. I have a father and mother too, both of them live with us. I am the oldest kid in the family, after me, my sister was born and then my brother was born.

I have a lot of hobbies. I like my friends, I like to go with them to the mall, I like to go with them to play football, basketball, and sport games. Usually, when I have spare time and I have nothing to do, I play multiplayer games like Maple Story and Fly For Fun and I enjoy it. In those games people talk English,so everytime I play those games I speak English and I practice my grammar, and my spelling. I have a friend that usually plays with me in those games, we play those games for like 3 years and we really enjoy it.

My school is a very big place, it has four buildings, but , we don't have enough rooms to learn in, so we have to move from one class to another so(use "and" instead of "so" here) it is kind of diffuclt to do that and it is an anoying thing in our school.

I prefer to learn physics because this is very helpful subject(phr.) and the material is very easy and fun,(Start a new sentence here. You tend to write run-on sentences) there is alot of mathematics in this subject, and I like mathematics. So if we combine mathematics and physics we get very cool material. Also if you learn physics you can be a scientist and this is my dream, to be a scientist.

I don't have alot of expectations from this year, I just want to be a good pupil, get good grades. I also want to get a job as soon as I can because sometimes I have nothing to do at (my) home so I want to try something new like a job.- This can not work as a conclusion of your essay, since it doesn't conclude or sum up any thing you have written so far. You need to add some more to this paragraph in order for it to work as a closing paragraph.

Daphna.